What does "Healing" mean to me?- Healing as Establishment in Self
Healing as Establishment in Self, "Swastha"
I was thrown into my healing journey by experiencing a crack in what felt like my very being, an intense panic attack that continued with about 4 years of severe anxiety and panic. Ironically, it initially happened receiving “healing” on an acupuncturist's table in January 2015. Once this crack occurred, I was set on a healing path that introduced me to the sanskrit word “Swastha” (svastha) and its definition of “Healing as Establishment in Self.” This has become my very favorite definition as my inherent belief is that we are whole, we are connected, and that we are sacred. Therefore, it is healing is basically re-membering that wholeness, aligning oneself with their true deepest self.
As a chiropractor myself and also being raised by a chiropractor father, I was taught from a young age that my body had an innate intelligence that fostered balance (homeostasis) and health. If I ate nourishing food, took care of myself, and remembered that my body was my temple for this life then my body would do the rest. It would take care of me with its incredible design. I was fortunate to be raised on organic foods, my parents both learned and practiced Transcendental Meditation since their early 20s, and I got to go to Waldorf schools. For being born into this age, I have been very blessed and for the most part was able to ignore popular cultures and memes and be content to live in the reality created by my parents and community. I felt more like an observer of dominant culture, not a consumer. Though I did sample… watching Melrose Park, reading Sweet Valley High, Glamour magazine, journaling late into the night, passing notes, staying current with the latest music, making mix tapes of the best new songs and more. But I also charged on weekends in the mountains, rebelled the dominant culture by not drinking alcohol/partying, refused to shave my legs, read Noam Chomsky (thanks dad), wore tie dye and Patagonia and joined environmental and other activist movements. I felt different than the dominant ideal of woman and teenager and sometimes not sufficient, but I also had a healthy replacement for it with friends and family to support this uphill challenge to maintain wholeness and confidence as a young woman in a hierarchical culture.
In college I studied Women’s Studies and Ethnic Studies because I was fascinated how reality was constructed and how many of these dominant narratives were not based in any inherent truth, they were merely social constructions. One of my favorite exercises in Intro to Women’s Studies was when my brilliant teacher went to the board and asked us all to brainstorm “What is Normal?” We started throwing out words and ideas and in the end realized that “normal” was a white, middle class, abled man basically. Hmm, no wonder I have always had to work to feel “normal” and sufficient and never quite fit in. Further, I learned about the systemic nature of how we feel about ourselves is so dictated by cultural norms and ingrained systems. The money behind advertising, the mainstream education system with certain brainwashings, histories of how religions have been used, how racism and other forms of inequalities have been institutionalized, how power over is the norm, how gender had been constrained to male/female, how creativity has been raped, how patriarchy disadvantages women and also many men, how we all seem to fall in line accepting these norms…. And it galvanized me to keep learning, to keep living outside the box as I had been raised, to strive to create the reality I want to live in, one based in unity and love and connection. There was a lot of grief as I learned what had really occurred in the human race. How humans can treat each other and the earth. I didn’t know the word “empath” then, but my empathic nature became very clear while I was in college as my sensitivities rose and also my resolve to be a helper, be an empowerer of positive change.
Fast forward years later when I hit my breaking point where my whole illusion of life as safe and good fell apart. There is always a tipping point. I was lucky it did not occur as a physical or emotional trauma that so common in our world. My cracking basically resulted from my being overwhelmed to the extreme, my empathic nature that was accelerated by birthing three children, the sheer onslaught of our world (smartphones and news blasts), balancing work and family and the world. It was the point at which I saw all the separation and destruction and power imbalances and felt helpless in the face of it all. It took time and help to see this crack would eventually be what let the light into my life in a more complex and rich way. I literally had to put the pieces of myself back together and incorporate many new pieces.
“Swa” or “sva” means “self” and “stha” means to abide or be situated. Since I had a memory of wholeness before this cracking, I knew it was a possibility to get back to. I feel like a memory of wholeness is key to healing. Or even an idea of wholeness. So I strove and used all my resources to re-establish myself in myself. And that is always my goal with my patients, to help remember this feeling of wholeness, of vital health and pull those threads through to the present for embodiment. I say, “I am here to align you with you.”
No matter how your crack happens, there is a journey to healing through establishing yourself in your true and highest Self. It is a journey of Self-discovery, of awakening, of discerning your timeless eternal nature and historic personality of this life. Fear has been the operating system for thousands of years to keep us in these systems. We have embodied this Operating System of Fear (I call is OS Fear), but it is time to move beyond and embody the healing energies of Love. OS Love. I am here on this journey with you. Let’s connect in and walk together, being on the lookout for signs and synchronicities. Let’s rediscover the magic. Let’s delve into our other forms of intelligence and live in our imaginations expecting unicorns to be around the bend, being curious just where our personal dragons dwell, wondering what it would feel like to breath under water and stay deep in its embrace, to cross timescapes and space and see where we end up. Open up into the miracle that is this human form and is this life.