DR. DALE'S TALK AT HIS DAUGHTER'S WEDDING
Dr. Heather writes: My dad has his own humor. Underneath it there is brilliance and wisdom. Enjoy!
LUKE AND HEATHER PAPER
Heather and Luke asked me to say a few words trying to justify marriage-- and to try to come up with some good rationale for getting married in the first place. They base this request on the fact that I have been incessantly married to the same woman now for over 28 years, and have four, healthy, happy, decent children who are a joy to their parents and their community. So, here is my attempt.
First of all-- I thought-- what is good about marriage –and I thought--. Well, you don’t have to finish your own sentences anymore. You don’t have to wonder if you have done or said something stupid. You always have a designated driver. And I realized that before I was married I had to shave all the hair off of one of my legs --so at night in bed I felt like I was sleeping with a woman. And I always have someone to laugh at my jokes—not necessarily because they’re cleaver- but because Diane is cleaver.
Then I thought about it a little more and realized that of all human institutions that human beings have invented-- marriage is the most Holy—and indeed the fastest way to get to know God. Everyone who has been married for over a year knows it is the fastest way to gain spiritual enlightenment—Marriage makes prayer and meditation and long fasting, and lying on beds of nails, seem like games that children play when they are bored… ------ A person who leaves a marriage to go to an ashram in India for spiritual evolution is a total wimp--- in total denial that he is a total wimp. Living with another person day and night –down in the trenches---gives ample opportunity to practice every spiritual discipline known to man. If merely living together is not sufficient for spiritual growth --then have children and start to raise them. You will not need some guru sitting on a mountain to explain how to lose your ego. The activities of a householder parent are much more difficult than those of wimpy spiritual recluses. The recluse only has to eat when he pleases, associate or not with whom he pleases, go to bed when he pleases, think what he pleases and about what he pleases, and pray and meditate at his whim. If suddenly a small infant was put into his cave to be taken care of --his true character and level of spiritual evolution would soon become apparent.
SO--Marriage is not just simply only the glue that bonds two people together –-Marriage is the essense of the fabric that holds our entire society together in a coherent fashion.
For the human species to survive it must produce healthy offspring. These little critters must be nourished for nine months in the womb, and indefinitely afterwards. The young rascals must be nourished mentally and physically, and indeed psychically if they are to thrive and come from abundance. They are like little seeds that need to be protected and then planted deep in a rich soil, ---and when their little heads pop out of the ground- need to be guided up straight-- toward the sky. As their rambunctious bodies start to grow branches the branches need to be pruned to channel their vitality to grow upward-- and thus avoid early distortions and diseases. Their soil needs to have compost and frequently be given fresh nutrients--- and weeded periodically- so their energies are not spread too thin trying to survive. If the parents love each other, ( remember, they don’t always have to like each other,-but they always have to love each other-- and all of this action is done in accordance with nature’s laws of offspring, --the new human beings will be in the best image of God. Parents who understand and implement these simple truths will have children who remain a joy to them forever. A society who understands these simple truths will be a joyful society with little need of doctors and jails. Thus, marriage is the beginning of the commitment to enlighten the world and keep it enlightened. So, Heather and Luke --you are now responsible for enlightening the world and keeping it enlightened. It should be no problem as you already have wings on your feet and God tucked safely away in the deepest recess’s of your heart. Thank you for getting married.
A TOAST
I would like to propose a toast to Heather and Luke. First, some fatherly advice to Heather that Diane’s mother gave to her -- about honesty. She said, Honesty is extremely important ---which is why it should be avoided at all costs. -- And remember to always let your spouse be himself---and pretend he is someone else.
And Luke , as Heather is Diane’s daughter she will start choosing your clothes. If you complain Heather will tell you that dressing is a privilege—and you have lost it. Never tell her she is lousy in bed. She’ll go out and get a second opinion. Never argue with her when she is tired—or when she is rested. She is diplomatic like her mother—she will always let you have her way.----And during hard times when Heather says, “You know I was a fool when I married you”, you just reply, “Yes dear I know that, but I was in love at the time and didn’t notice it.
A good marriage is like a good soul—water cannot wet it, fire cannot burn it-wind cannot dry it and weapons cannot harm it. . A Marriage is not held together with chains. It is held tightly together with hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together over the years. ----- Marriage is only the first step of the journey that is made up of thousands of little steps.
Quote—Young love says I love you because I need you. Old mature love says I need you because I love you.